Entry #5 What I Want

well, as you can tell i've been avoiding this successfully for a few days...and today i'm doing a more difficult one for me because other than a few things i really have NO idea!!!

What I Want Personally

i'd love to find out why i had such a hard time motivating myself and i'd love to "fix" that so that in the future it wouldn't be so dang hard for me to get myself to do things that are not a necessity...kwim?

i want to be able to manage our money in such a way that i don't have to stress nearly as much about where it's going to come from...of course part of that means us having more money than we do now, but we'll get there ;)

i want to be better about drinking enough water each day and eatting better

i want to improve and then maintain my health rather than loose it later because i'm not doing what i should now

while i don't feel like i've lost who i am, i feel like i'm out of touch w/ who that person is...which is why i have a hard time knowing what i want...i'd like to get back in touch w/ that person

i want to learn toe side so i don't muff up my knees every time i try!

i want to be better about staying in touch with family and friends

i want to get my body into shape before i get perggers again and i want to be able to maintain that in the best way i can during and after pregnancy

i never want to be one of those women that "let herself go" after she got married or had kids

i want to find a mascara that i won't have an allergic reaction to

i want to get rich's school loans paid off as fast as we can w/o making the family suffer by pinching where we shouldn't

i want to get rid of my reliefe society arms

i want to go to hawaii

i want to go to ireland

i want to learn to cook from scratch better than i do now

i want to enjoy cooking again

i want to figure out beyond the superficial things i've listed so far what i really truly want

i want to have a housekeeper to help me keep more on top of the house so rich doesn't feel overwhelmed by being the one that helps me now

i want to be able to tutor and do demos because i feel like it, not because i need to

i want to know what i want when i'm asked...food, movie, resturant, etc

i want to be able to get a good night sleep so i don't stuggle to get out of bed the next day...

i want to find what i'm good at, not just what i'm ok at

i want to not feel as uncomfortable as i do in crowds on occasion

i want this process not to stress me out like it does

i want to learn to sew better than i do

i want to become skilled enough too use my knitting machine (yes i cheat) and make more than scarves

i want to learn how to better deal with my emotions and how to express what i feel and think

i want to be able to use some of the knowledge that i have to help others and my family

i want to not feel like crying because this process is so not my cup of tea

now i want to finish this because i'll admit i'm a baby and this is getting too hard

so until next time...maybe i'll figure something else out...