dang i'm tired!

but what's new there right? probably a good think i'm working tonight though, that way when i get done i won't be sucked into the tv and stay up WAY later than i need to wanting to watch this or that...i mean hello, simpsons and king of the hill do not really enrich my life...make me laugh, yes most of the time...enrich my life on any level, no not really...oh well...i just need to exercise more self control on that one

did ya ever realize how not easy it is to make sure you have good posture going on...mine has been horrendous for years...it and a combo of other things has really caused some major pain in my back...so i'm really trying hard to have good posture now...IT IS SOOOO HARD!!! #1 i have to remember to do it like constantly, #2 it hurts because my back and shoulders are not used to doing it, #3 the muscles get very tired very fast for the afor mentioned reason but i'm going to do it dang it!!! i am i am i am i am!!!

doin' what i can to have "cool composure"

so dh put in an app w/ a regional airline and a day or so later got

an invite to an interview. now while this IS exciting because it would hopefully relocate us to a new area, not that here is bad by any means, but

we'd be closer to friends and family rather than near none...make sense?

anywhoo...now my goal is to not worry.

this is a tough goal though as i can worry w/ the best of them

(thanks for passin' that gene down mom LOL)

dh got the email today confirming the date for his

interview (7th of aug) which is good because

that is the date that he was wanting and he bid his current

schedual around that date...now to get hopefully the #1 bid on his list

so there will be no problem getting there and back again for him.

the girls and i will go and stay longer than him as he'll

obviously need to get back to work...which should be

fun, but kind of annoying at the same time for the fact

that we'll have to rely on others for transportation, but hey...what

are friends and family for right?

seriously if he gets this job the first year financially will

be h-e-double hockey sticks, but so long as he

were to get a crj slot we'd be ahead of the game compared

to now at his 2nd year. (like $5k more a year or something)

ok...gonna stop talking about it now as i can feel

the stomach juices churning and i'm starting to

think all too much about it which of course leads to worry...

if nothing else i'll get to have fun on our trip!

soul windows

did ya know that we have those? i don't think i really did until last night...due to my recent issues i asked my sweet hubby for a blessing and after i'd received said blessing i was no longer dim. it was like i'd been in a room w/ really dirty windows where the light was stifled and suddenly the windows were brilliantly clean and the light filled the room. i felt a huge burden lifted so not only did if feel lighter from my dimness i felt lighter from the previous heaviness plaguing me.

so while i'm still in dire need of a friend close by, my soul is in the light once more and i feel better than i have in quite some time!!!

my curse...

you may wonder what this is...well, i'll tell you

i find it extremely hard to cry

many may find this as a strenght and an amazing feat for a female...and while it does have it's perks (i'm so not into crying like alot of females i know) sometimes it truly is a curse

how you ask, well...take right now for instance...i have a ton of pent up negative energy due to stress from what you will find in my pp...and i know a good cry would help to eliminate this...but the tears just won't come even though i honestly feel like crying

does that make sense?

so while i don't want to be a weepy chick, i will admit that sometimes a good cry would be really nice to have that release...i mean heck...w/o it how am i relieving my body of the toxins that crying removes?

ok so i had a realization today...

why it didn't really dawn on me sooner who knows...but any who...i had a friend call me a few days ago and she said that her mil, rs pres in my ward, had "that look" (aka she's worried) when my friend asked her how i was doing...i admitted freely to said friend that i am tired and of course stressed about money (which she knew from before she and her dh moved due to a job transfer) but today i realized that there is more to my stress and general mood. i feel isolated...i have "friends" but i don't...does that make sense?

there are people here where i live that i talk easily with and enjoy my time spent with them, but we don't just call eachother up to do stuff unless it's a play date for our kids, which don't happen very often...now i know this is just basically how life happens once you're a mom...but still...it would be nice to have someone to call and plan something fun once in a blue moon w/o the kids...even it it's just a trip to walmart by ourselves to do the shopping...but alas...for this i have to travel several states away...i know i really shouldn't be complaining...i have a great life, fabulous husband, adorable sweet loving kids, and most of the time my health...but it would be really nice to add a friend in this list of someone that i felt connected with

update on the farm situation...

sooooo, i harvested what few potatoes there were (all very small), the lettuce plants are still alive, but not much bigger than like an inch or two so have yet to harvest anything off of them...i got about 1/2 a baggie of peas off of our multiple rows of peas, they've yet to produce any more, the 1 bean plant that had survived the weed infestation is now dead, and last but not least...a raccoon helped himself/herself to what little corn we did have and all that was left was a little mutant piece of cob w/ like 8 kernels on it...HOWEVER, we do actually have a decent crop of carrots so far...i yanked 3 yesterday and they're about baby carrot size at the moment, maybe a bit bigger...i've been told they won't do too much more so i'll probably harvest them the rest of the way next week and see what all we wind up with

all in all...a COMPLETE learning year...if nothing besides the 1/2 baggie of peas, and miniscule pototoes, and our small carrot crop we learned a lot of what NOT to do!

so I skyped this from a friend...

Post a "comment" for me, filling in the blanks of this "letter". Then repost on your blog (um..with YOUR name) and I'll do the same for you.

Dear Corey,

I _____ you. You have a nice ______. You make me _______. You should _______. Someday I will ______. You + me = ________. If I saw you now I'd __________. I would build a _______ just for you. If I could sing you any song it would be _________. We could __________ under the stars.

Love, _______________

(P.S. ______________.)