SWEET

an old friend found me and via him i've been able to QUICKLY track down a large batch of my old youth group friends that i've not seen in eons...how freaking cool is that?!!!
these ppl seriously have such a warm fuzzy spot in my heart because they're the ppl that got me through h.s. (which was misery essentially the whole time socially) they loved and accepted me for who i was when very few ppl i went to school with did
besides that...they're all stinking cool and super fun...oh the things we did...lake parties, crazy dates, etc and sober and clean all the while doing it...fond doesn't even come close to describing the memories!!!

paranoia

those that know me, know that we lost our first baby...hence i am a very paranoid pregnant chick
so i'm almost 11 wks now and am still getting bigger, my energy level is still zapped, and my nausea is getting to a point of control and hopefully will be over soon
BUT i m/c at 13 wks (should've been at 7 wks, but it took my body 5 wks to figure out that the baby had died...it's called a missed miscarriage) so i just don't feel comfy until i'm past that point and feeling the baby move
granted w/ #1 i didn't stop being paranoid until she was in my arms, w/ #2 i wasn't quite as paranoid, but i still was...kwim?
i seriously am ready to feel this baby move, if i were to loose another baby i really don't think i could deal w/ that...and i definitely don't want to find out if i could...kwim?

soap box moment

i can't stand it when ppl "consider" your feelings or personal health, but really don't and try to guilt you into doing something that they want you to do
just this past week the owner of the theater, who knows i am struggling with energy and nausea asked, but was so freakin' pushy about me coming to the theater galla and doing a song from the previous show that i was in
i gave her the excuse orginally that we couldn't afford a sitter, so then she said she'd pay and for me to think about
well, i thought about it and i just don't have the excess energy to do anything beyond what i'm already doing (most of it poorly) so i told her i wouldn't be able to do the song or attend
i just think it's so lame, she knows i'm struggling and wants to add more onto my plate
ok, vent done