blessings and being humbled by them

today we received a phone call from washburn motors (www.washburnmotorsinc.com) informing us that an anonymous donor wanted to give us a car...when my hubby informed me of this i burst into tears...for all of you that know me, you know that this is NOT a usual occurance for me...we were both just totally floored and humbled that someone loved us enough to do something like this for us (we know we're loved, but not too many ppl that just go around giving others a car ya know) so after #1's 5 yr check up (75% for height, 50% for wt, one shot) we went to the dealership
on the phone he didn't tell us how much we had to work with so we were thinking like $1800 MAYBE up to $3000...so were there and he says there is a hinderence, that he only has like 3 cars on the lot that fit into the budget that he was given of $7500!!!!
(insert me choking almost passing out right here)
hubby and i seriously didn't know what to think, we've not had a car that we've purchased since being married that cost more than $2200 (and i think it may have been less than that!) so the 3 cars that the dealer had on his lot that worked were an infiniti sedan, nissan sentra sedan, and a toyota sienna mini van...as those that know us...we've got 3 and we plan on one more so the van makes the most sense for us...we're test driving it and unless impressed otherwise will probably get that...if we don't get that we can discuss w/ the dealer what we would like and then he can try and get a car on his lot that will work for us...
what an amazing blessing and how humbling...for us, when we get to the point where we can do things like this for others we will consider ourselves wealthy beyond measure because being able to bless others in this manner makes you rich beyond a worldly concept!

the economy

well, suffice it to say that the economy is quite iffy at the moment...and yet the bills keep coming...we were gone for a week visiting family and when we got back we had just over $500 worth of bills in the mail...which is on top of the almost $600 we're still paying off for the car repairs we've had done...AND we've got at least another $500 worth of car repairs that need to be done because like 2 days after i got the thermostat fixed and 2 new tires put on the car apparently the fuel pump went out :(
it really feels like when it rains it pours BUT we have been blessed...we finally got the medical bills paid off from when #3 was born and the subsequent visits for her arm. in this season of remembering what to be thankful for...i am more than greatful that my sweet hubby has a job, i am more than greatful that i too have way to bring in some money through my tutoring (which i'm hoping to do some irl to make a little more)...it's just really hard when you bust your butt working and it barely touches what has to be paid...for all of those that may read this that are planning on going to college or are currently in college please take the following to heart and abide by it...DO NOT TAKE OUT PRIVATE SCHOOL LOANS!!!
why you may ask...simply put, they will eat you alive...we pay more than 1/3 of our monthly income each month to just hubby's school loans...and the interest rates on them are astronomical! in our case we had no other choice because let's just face it...aviation traning cost a fortune and the gov't school loans don't even come close to covering it...not to mention that you make almost nothing once you become a pilot (are you shocked...so was i when i found out how much he'd be making...oh well, he loves his job that's what is important!) if you're doing regular college...don't touch them w/ a 20 ft pole, even if it means only being able to go part time or to take just enough credits to be full time and then work...do it...you will be greatful you did in the long run...you can never get away from a private school loan...if we had been in a different situation (or hubby had a different field of study) we would have just over $26k in school loans...instead we have almost $100k in school loans...we've been working very hard at paying them down for 3 years now and have chizzeled it away to about $80k i believe...it's so huge i honestly don't even know sometimes how much we do owe on it...i know it will be gone w/in 12 years, but it sure doesn't feel like it at times...
speaking of loans in general...have you heard of the snowball effect? if not read the book debt free on any income...it's a great resource...it's basically about paying a little extra each month on one of the loans that you want to pay off first, once you've achieved that then you take that little extra and what you used to pay on the loan you just paid off and put it twds the next loan you want to pay off and so on and so forth because you're already used to being w/o that money...we started about 2.5 years ago paying an extra $70 each month twds the highest interest loan in the group of 3 private school loans that we had...we were able to pay that loan off w/in just over a years time from starting to pay $70 extra each month compared to the scheduled 15 years...granted it was the smallest of the 3 loans, but as i said it did have the highest interest rate...more than 1/2 of the payment each month went to just interest!...since that was paid off we now pay just over $150 extra each month twds the smaller of the two remaining private loans...once we accomplish paying that off we will put all that money twds the largest one (which is beastie!) by doing this we hope to have the private school loans paid off in 10 years rather than 15 years saving us TONS of money on interest...it's amazing how much less interest we paid just by paying an extra $70 each month twds the loan (i should also note that we would put part of our tax return and i also cashed out my ira from before we were married to pay down this loan...that happened before we read the above book and started making a monthly power payment...so it was a large loan, just the smallest of the 3 private)...the gov't school loans i will admit we are just going to pay at their normal schedule simply because the interest rate is almost non-existant and it's a good loan to have on our credit report (we'll hubby's credit report) so if we are lucky enough to buy a home before we're done paying off the private school loans we will then roll all those payments over each month that we had been making to the last private school loan to our mtg and pay that down faster too...it really does make sense simply because if you do the calculations...it really is huge the amount of money you will save on interest by paying extra twds the principle (granted this is based on a legit 15,20,30 yr fixed home loan...it will work on the other types of loans, just not as well and i personally don't believe in them as i don't feel them safe options...just look at the forclosures, most are because of "fancy" home loans that were not fixed)...oh, in the book mentioned above...it comes w/ a cd-rom that you can install on your comp and plug in your debt and it will show you how much you will save, how much faster you can pay loans off, and more just by paying a power payment at the start (as i said our's originally was only an extra $70 each month...but it really can be any amount...even $5 gets you closer to paying off in)...i'm a big fan of this book...can you tell? ;-)
i don't see our economy getting better as a whole any time soon, but we each as individuals can do what we can to cut back on unnecessary spending and paying down our outstanding debts (oh, the snowball thing works for credit card debt too, forgot to mention that earlier) as with our family that really is nothing else that we can cut out unless we lower our food budget and that's basically already as low as it can go, BUT i can shop smarter...making a menu for two weeks and buying the supplies that i need...sticking to my list...price comparing, etc...i'm not the greatest at the menu thing, but i'm working on it...and if you look at my house right now you probably think we're not home because there are almost no lights on...my thermostat is set at 68 degrees...we each have to do what we can for ourselves and our families...and when we can, help others because we all need a hand once in awhile

disappointed but going to try to live by this

How Calm Applies to the Election
It's Election Day in America and I am not going to tell you how to vote, but we are going to discuss anxiety and who has power over our lives. We're in North Carolina for a series of workshops to train teachers, parents and students over the next three days-so I am going to keep this brief.

During a Q&A session at a Workshop in New York earlier this year, a Marine stood up and asked this question: "How can we expect to achieve peace in our home if my seven-year-old son cannot execute simple commands?"

I had to apologize for laughing, because I recognized those words as the son of a Colonel. But what really hit me was the implication of the father's words-he was relinquishing power over his home to a little child.

When we say, "My son is driving me crazy" or "My daughter is pushing me over the edge," who is in control? Who has power over our emotions?

When we consistently give attention to the negative, interruptive behavior of a student in class, we are giving that student power over our classroom.

When we say, "IF only my husband/wife would do x, our marriage would be better," we are placing the power for our happiness in another person's hands. That's a dangerous proposition.

When we instantly react to a daughter rolling her eyes or our son saying, "Whatever," we are giving them power over our emotions and reactions.

Later this week, we will be conducting assemblies for elementary, middle and high school students at a very progressive school in the Charlotte area. Our message to students is this: you have the opportunity to be the most powerful person in the world. When you give in to peer pressure, you are giving strangers power over your decisions. When you look to a girlfriend or boyfriend to make you happy, you are placing your fragile emotions in their hands. When you miss an opportunity to be kind to a student who is different or alone because you fear what your friends will say, you have now become a puppet. But when you control your own emotions, when you calm your own fears and anxiety so that no one can move you, then you have become the most powerful person in the world.

As parents, when we conform our family's life to what the Jones' are doing, we have given power over our family's life to society. It's time to take back control.

Let's discuss the election. We believe in being actively involved in the political process. My teenage son volunteered this past weekend, knocking on doors and helping educate neighbors about his preferred candidate. But here is some perspective for you.

When we say, "If my candidate does not win, the next four years are going to be awful," we are giving power to a politician. We are giving power over our emotions to an event outside of our control. By the end of the day, half of the country is going to be ecstatic and half will be depressed. I refuse to give power over my emotions and future to any candidate.

In fact, I urge you to make this bold declaration today: During the next four years, no matter who is President, we will grow closer as a family; we will cultivate and use our gifts and passions to help others; we will forgive and show compassion to everyone we meet; we will give more money to charity and those less fortunate than us; we will help impact more people's lives; we will empower our children to be understand themselves and be responsible for their actions; we will grow personally to be more wise, mature and calm.

No candidate, no policies, no outward circumstances can change that declaration unless we allow it. I hope that you will use this moment, this historic election day, as a defining moment to give your children and students the greatest gift you can ever give them: modeling for them an adult who is in control of their own emotions, who demonstrates calm and power over their attitudes no matter the circumstances. It is the greatest challenge you will face, but the one with the greatest reward.

Kirk Martin
Director of Education

www.CelebrateCalm.com

another political post

all i want to say in this post is simply this
it's a dang good thing that we don't have to agree on who we want to vote for to still be friends...i love my friends just not some of my friends choice for president...and that's just fine w/ me...they are more important to me than who they vote for
that being said...i still think this political race is almost more than a joke at times...
i'll be voting for mccain, but not 100% because i think he's the best candidate,
but more because i feel he is the lesser of two evils...and let's face it
i'm a conservative

political rants and raves

rave: sooooo smart of mccain to pick a skirt for his running mate...even better that she's totally worth her salt!!!

rant: oh puh-lease...obama just needs to get off of it and never try this again...he's not qualified and he is down right scary imo

well poo...yes, it's another money vent/rant

the 25 craft were a rumor so now who knows when hubby will get a promotion...which i was really REALLY hoping for in the next 6 months
the financial difference btwn what we have now and what his upgrade would give us what we need to do more than just make it by each month...
i really want to pay off his school loans faster than we're able to right now and of course we'd really REALLY like to be able to start to save for a home...that's so not going to happen ANY time soon w/o an upgrade...i just don't earn enough money doing what i do from home to make a big enough of a difference for us to be able to actually save much of anything
and of course now that it's the summer, that means i work just that much less which of course means much less money...maybe i'll have to become a mentor before i really want to just so i can earn some extra money...i really don't want to do that until after #3 gets here because i'd feel horrible if i started it now then after #3 gets here i just don't feel like i can do it and have to quite being a mentor
money is so dumb...and w/ the cost of gas as it is, we have even less of it to go around...not like hubby can just not drive to work...not that i want wild lands to be destroyed, but seriously there are ways to harvest oils that we have in our own country that won't completely destroy everything, it would look different, but we're smarter about harvesting oil compared to 50 yrs ago...there will be less eco impact if it's done right and just imagine the savings at the pump if it was our own oil compared to getting it from other countries...ok, off that soap box because it's just gonna get my feathers ruffled
won't go there on politics because...well, let's face it...it's another lesser of two evils election...although i feel the differences is vast btwn the two candidates...but that is as far as i will go on that subject
hubby's job seems fairly secure at the moment, but so many airlines are going under because of the cost of fuel...which of course is kinda good for him because that means his airline picks up some of those routs, but still...
at least i'm having another girl so i don't have to buy new clothes right?

swimming lessons

the girls started taking swim lessons earlier this week, they've both had a blast so far and are becoming much more comfy w/ water, they were ok before but doing better even still
#1 is in a pk level 2 class by herself and #2 is in the parent child class because she's still under 3...she's really doing awesome...she went to her 1st 3 days w/ daddy and today w/ me...i feel a bit lost as i don't really know what's going on in her class, but that's ok...it's mostly for fun right LOL
oh, and holy cow, getting back out of the water today...
wow....
let's just say, gravity is not my friend at all...it was quite difficult climbing the ladder out of the pool and getting my legs to take the wt of my big ol'pregnant body again...thankfully it didn't take to long for my body to adjust, but still...wow
#1 had her dance recital about 2 wks ago, it was cute, nothing spectacular by any means, but very cute...both girls will be taking the class this fall btwn sept and nov, so it will be interesting to see how they do, we put them in separate classes so that they could feel special that they were getting to take a class AND so #2 wouldn't mimic her sister's behavior and cause problems for the teacher LOL
that class starts about a month after #3 is "due" to make her debut so we'll see how that all goes...
and on that note, i'm measuring about 2.5 wks bigger than i am along, which bodes well for the theory that my crazy weight is due to excess amniotic fluid...because she's not big, she's in there bee-boppin' all over the place quite quickly so i'm not worried about her being too big as of yet...granted i've got 5-9 wks to go depending when she decides to show up (i'm voting for 37-38 wks...so 6-7 wks more)

as always it's been awhile LOL

the ever slacker at keeping up w/ things of this nature...i told you all that i didn't write in my journal for like 3 yrs...i wrote in it a few days before hubby and i got married and then not again until after the birth of #1 by several months...like i think we were in florida by time i wrote in there again so she was several months old...so as i was saying...ever the slacker LOL
as far as baby #3 goes, we're in the "home stretch" as far as i'm 2/3rds of the way "done"...she's almost cooked...next week i have to go in and get my rohgam shot (yay for me...all the joys of having a negative blood type)...she's growing and wiggling about in there, but i still don't feel her every move so on the days she's not making big movements i get nervous still because i'm not feeling her...yes, we all know i'm a paranoid momma
i've been telling her that she's NOT allowed to come out w/ her hand on her face like her sisters did, which is why i had tears w/ them, if it had not been for those little hands i'm sure i would've come out unscathed...i've also been telling her that her dad's b-day would be a great day for her to come (a little more than a week before her edd, but anything after 36 wks is considered "full term") that way i won't have to get him anything for his b-day LOL
yes i know i'm a stinker LOL
the girls are learning the baby's name (sure hope it doesn't change after she's born or they'll be confused LOL) and it's really cute to hear them tell ppl that i have a baby in my tummy and what the baby's name is
#2 is getting "closer" to being pt'd but we're still not there...yesterday she did finally poo in the potty, but w/ MUCH persuasion and tears from her (she doesn't go because she doesn't want to use the potty and she knows she's not supposed to poo in her pants so she gets constipated...poor kid) i asked her a bit ago if she was going to go poo in the potty today and she said she was, so we'll see how far that actually goes LOL...although she did get a small amount of ice cream, to call her dad, both g-mas, and an aunt...AND she was going to get a lolli pop at the store, but i couldn't find any (crazy huh!) so she got one of those mini ben & jerry's ice cream cups (cookie dough)...well, that didn't last long, i can smell her now...blech
now the goal is not to gag :(
well, that needs to be taken care of so off i go...man i'd like to have a break from diapers...haven't had one in over 4 yrs...a break from diapers would be nice...even if it is only going to be month or so

well, we know what we're having now

and the verdict is
ANOTHER GIRL!!!
yes we would've loved a boy, but hey, we won't send her back either...because what is most important when it comes to babies is that they're healthy and that's the verdict she keeps getting...which even if she weren't we'd still love and keep her just the same

it's also kinda nice that other than a few baby basics we don't need to buy anything new...we are totally stocked on clothes, may buy a few new things here or there just to round out the wardrobe and give her at least one or two things new, but over all we're pretty set in that dept...so car seat, double stroller (found a GREAT deal on this, i'm so excited about it), 4 "L" brackets to fix the crib drop side, and stock pile money for diapers or buy the supply of cloth diapers that i want...these are all things we would've had to get either way so this baby is the "cheaper" baby to have LOL

i have an anterior placenta so that's been kinda rough, not feeling her do her baby boogy all the time...but man when she means business, she means business and i definitely feel her...sometimes it almost hurts she nails me so hard...and it's kinda interesting, i'm finding i can't do things, like lift my kids, like i was able to w/ a "regular" placenta placement...my abdomen feels more strained...i actually felt a funky pull the other day, didn't hurt but i could tell it wasn't something that should happen, so i don't pick my kids up unless i have to now...which stinks...especially when they want to be carried up stairs to bed

we've got the baby's name picked out (we had one of each before we knew what we were having) and so long as she looks like it that will be her name...granted if she doesn't i'm not sure what we'll name her but we'll figure that out IF that time comes LOL

stubborn baby

went yesterday for our u/s
we got 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 arms/legs/eyes, and a nose
but no idea if i'm packin' xx or xy
now we need to decide if we're just going to wait and be surprised or if we want to shell out more money to find out...i don't see hubby being able to really wait LOL
so we shall see what happens

gray day

over cast is an understatement today, dang it's blah
BUT at least #2 put panties on of her own accord after her nap today...now if she'll just do what needs to be done to keep said panties clean and dry i would be one happy momma
i hope it's not an unrealistic desire...but i REALLY want #2 pt'd long before #3 gets here so that it won't be as big of a deal for her...i really would like a break from diapers...i haven't had one in over 4 yrs LOL

i did make a shopping score yesterday (for those of you that know me well...shopping and i don't really go hand in hand like most females and shopping...it's just not my thing)...i was able to get the girsl 4 kidbe shirts to share for $5 each...a total steal imo, i have the hardest time finding shirts that are long enough and these will fit them for a very long time, and it doesn't hurt that they're made well either!

my belly gets bigger everyday it seems, which is of course always a good sign...i've still not really felt the baby move, at least not that i've id'd as the baby...but they are a fast mover, last week at my mw appt when she did the doppler to check the heart rate for the baby, they kept moving like a little bullet out of the way so she kept having to hunt for it...we all got a laugh out of that LOL

i have an u/s appt this friday at 10 am to check the baby out and hopefully see if we're packin' a double x or if we've got a y going on in there this time around...i'm really hopin' for that y, but healthy is always what is most important!

i took myself off of my prevacid, the side effects of being on it were causing a situation where i wasn't really absorbing any of the nutrients from the food i was eating...i started slow, back down from twice a day to once a day for about 1/2 a wk...that went well so i decided to see if i could handle being off of it completely...no need to stay on meds if you don't really need to kwim?...well, all has been well since then (which i'm more than sure my lowered stress level has a huge amount to do with)...i am starting to have more energy as food is staying in my system longer now so that i can actually absorb the nutrients

i've not gained very much weight at all, BUT more important...i didn't loose this time like i did w/ #1 (20 lbs before i started to gain) and #2 (15 lbs before i started to gain) so while i was def sick this time around it wasn't as extreme, just the fatigue this time was the killer...i'm still dealing w/ fatigue, but it's sooooooo much better than it was before!!!

i must admit that i whole heartedly doubt my ability to parent 3 kids, the 2 i have are such a challenge at times that i don't think i can deal w/ them, let alone add another into the mix
although, i saw something the other day that basically said it all...ppl ask me often how i do the "single parent" thing as much as i have to since hubby is gone for work so much and the following statement i think answers it nicely..."i don't think about it, i just do it"...it's not until i think about it from another's pov that i really think "oh, yeah, this really isn't an easy gig"...which i know it's not easy, but when you're in the middle of it, you just don't have time to think about that at all

totally ot, but the other day i was thinking about going home to visit my parents and i had the brief thought that while i was there i'd drop in and see one of my fav teachers turned friend...then i remember, she's been dead for several months now...it made me sad for her hubby because i know he must be so lonely...but she was ready to go, she was at peace with the fact that her life was ending...she'd battled breast cancer enough times that she was ready to let it win the last fight and leave her pain ravaged body behind...very few of you were blessed to know this woman, but she was an amazing person, teacher, friend...all around just amazing and i have been so blessed to have her in my life and have her influence in important places as it was...i only hope that my kids can have someone like this in their lives too...it's of course important to have ppl like this in our family, but ever so important to have them outside our family as well

well, the street of sesame is over...that means my time here is now cut off

universal health care

just a quick rant
i do NOT see our gov't being able to manage something as financially HUGE as uhc...seriously...they've mismanaged social security, they spend way too much money on their salaries and on toilet seats (etc)...we are NOT a socialistic gov't and i'd like to keep it that way


we'd be far better served as a nation if instead they'd put into play legislation that regulated cost of health care, cost of health insurance, and the frivolities added on to medical malpractice law suits (and of course how much money the lawyer can make off of it) ...now don't get me wrong, we do need medical malpractice law suits, but imo they should be for life time medical care of the condition caused and lost wages if any...but loss of life experience, pain and suffering gmab!!! those are stupid and ridiculous...life is pain and suffering and depending what we do w/ it we loose out on certain experiences by our choices and those of the ppl around us...it's stupid!

ok, off my soap box

i'm so ready...

to feel this baby move, while we had an awesome strong hb at the 12 wk appt i'd feel so much better if i could feel the little one beeboppin' around in there already...that would help alleviate some of my stress
of course hubby's all...just don't stress...soooo easy for him to say LOL stinker!
i'm currently 15 wks, another 5 and we'll probably be able to find out what we're having
it really fascinates me at times how the body morphs, i was looking at my belly last night in profile and it's just crazy how big i am already...i know w/ each pregnancy the body just does it faster, but i'd swear if i'd not already had an u/s showing just one baby i'd think there was more LOL

YAY it's over!!!

the show i've been directing closed on the 11th...it was fun, but i'm so glad it is over, 12 wks+ is just a really long time to try and eek energy out of myself when i didn't have it to spare.
it went really well and our closing night was pretty dang good imo
the cast was great, the show was well written, the director...meh, she was a beginner ;-)

SWEET

an old friend found me and via him i've been able to QUICKLY track down a large batch of my old youth group friends that i've not seen in eons...how freaking cool is that?!!!
these ppl seriously have such a warm fuzzy spot in my heart because they're the ppl that got me through h.s. (which was misery essentially the whole time socially) they loved and accepted me for who i was when very few ppl i went to school with did
besides that...they're all stinking cool and super fun...oh the things we did...lake parties, crazy dates, etc and sober and clean all the while doing it...fond doesn't even come close to describing the memories!!!

paranoia

those that know me, know that we lost our first baby...hence i am a very paranoid pregnant chick
so i'm almost 11 wks now and am still getting bigger, my energy level is still zapped, and my nausea is getting to a point of control and hopefully will be over soon
BUT i m/c at 13 wks (should've been at 7 wks, but it took my body 5 wks to figure out that the baby had died...it's called a missed miscarriage) so i just don't feel comfy until i'm past that point and feeling the baby move
granted w/ #1 i didn't stop being paranoid until she was in my arms, w/ #2 i wasn't quite as paranoid, but i still was...kwim?
i seriously am ready to feel this baby move, if i were to loose another baby i really don't think i could deal w/ that...and i definitely don't want to find out if i could...kwim?

soap box moment

i can't stand it when ppl "consider" your feelings or personal health, but really don't and try to guilt you into doing something that they want you to do
just this past week the owner of the theater, who knows i am struggling with energy and nausea asked, but was so freakin' pushy about me coming to the theater galla and doing a song from the previous show that i was in
i gave her the excuse orginally that we couldn't afford a sitter, so then she said she'd pay and for me to think about
well, i thought about it and i just don't have the excess energy to do anything beyond what i'm already doing (most of it poorly) so i told her i wouldn't be able to do the song or attend
i just think it's so lame, she knows i'm struggling and wants to add more onto my plate
ok, vent done