"blast" from the past

the other day, i found my current and pretty much rarely used journal

i thought it would be fun to see what was going on at the begining of said journal

so read i did and i realized something...

i used to be WAY deeper of a person than i am now LOL

granted now i'm lucky if i have time to think about anything, but i'm definately nowhere as deep

as i once was

i was somewhat blind at the time too though...i was so "in love" w/ the last guy i dated in college...i look back that whole time in my life, and while i'm greatful for what i learned (because if we don't learn something from our experiences what was the point of going through it right?) man i was stupid and i wish i'd not allowed myself to dwell on it as i did...deep down i knew it then as i do now...i would NOT have been happy married to that guy, at least not as happy as i deserve to be and most definately now am...dang i'm one lucky chick...i got an awesome, devoted husband who also happens to be an amazing father...the other guy...let's just say i would've had another kid to take care of among other verious other quirks...i totally wish this guy happiness, which he won't gain until he grows up and becomes quite abit less selfish...i had to giggle when i was reading and said what my dad said about it at the time...he totally thought the guy was a total chicken and of course not worthy of his daughter LOL my mom wanted me to move on, which was hard to do...especially when i'd brought myself to the realization that he wasn't going to marry me, but i was so close to leaving what was the point of even trying to date anyone else...why not just date him until i left...he of course changed that, although we still did things together on occasion and when i'd come back to the state we'd get together and visit...we were really good friends until i got engaged and then

BAM

he dropped off the face of the planet

funny how that works sometimes...i had another friend that did the exact same thing, but in hindsight i kinda think he was in love w/ me...but how the heck was i supposed to know that...he gave me NO indicators of such, at least not that i picked up on...granted i'm kinda dense when it comes to that kind of stuff so he very well may have been LOL

i remember at various points prior to meeting, falling madly in love with, and marrying the amazing man that i'm married to now that i've had several guys in my life that i could've married, but i would've had varying degrees of happiness w/ each...would've been good marriages and loving and such, but each definately would've been different and none could compare (at least not imo) to what i've got now!

sure my hubby is a stinker on occasion, but those are so far and few inbtwn that they can be passed over as naught, because we all know that i'm so not an angle...not an easy person to live with i'd readily admit, but i'm much better than i used to be ;)