well, we know what we're having now

and the verdict is
ANOTHER GIRL!!!
yes we would've loved a boy, but hey, we won't send her back either...because what is most important when it comes to babies is that they're healthy and that's the verdict she keeps getting...which even if she weren't we'd still love and keep her just the same

it's also kinda nice that other than a few baby basics we don't need to buy anything new...we are totally stocked on clothes, may buy a few new things here or there just to round out the wardrobe and give her at least one or two things new, but over all we're pretty set in that dept...so car seat, double stroller (found a GREAT deal on this, i'm so excited about it), 4 "L" brackets to fix the crib drop side, and stock pile money for diapers or buy the supply of cloth diapers that i want...these are all things we would've had to get either way so this baby is the "cheaper" baby to have LOL

i have an anterior placenta so that's been kinda rough, not feeling her do her baby boogy all the time...but man when she means business, she means business and i definitely feel her...sometimes it almost hurts she nails me so hard...and it's kinda interesting, i'm finding i can't do things, like lift my kids, like i was able to w/ a "regular" placenta placement...my abdomen feels more strained...i actually felt a funky pull the other day, didn't hurt but i could tell it wasn't something that should happen, so i don't pick my kids up unless i have to now...which stinks...especially when they want to be carried up stairs to bed

we've got the baby's name picked out (we had one of each before we knew what we were having) and so long as she looks like it that will be her name...granted if she doesn't i'm not sure what we'll name her but we'll figure that out IF that time comes LOL

stubborn baby

went yesterday for our u/s
we got 10 fingers, 10 toes, 2 arms/legs/eyes, and a nose
but no idea if i'm packin' xx or xy
now we need to decide if we're just going to wait and be surprised or if we want to shell out more money to find out...i don't see hubby being able to really wait LOL
so we shall see what happens

gray day

over cast is an understatement today, dang it's blah
BUT at least #2 put panties on of her own accord after her nap today...now if she'll just do what needs to be done to keep said panties clean and dry i would be one happy momma
i hope it's not an unrealistic desire...but i REALLY want #2 pt'd long before #3 gets here so that it won't be as big of a deal for her...i really would like a break from diapers...i haven't had one in over 4 yrs LOL

i did make a shopping score yesterday (for those of you that know me well...shopping and i don't really go hand in hand like most females and shopping...it's just not my thing)...i was able to get the girsl 4 kidbe shirts to share for $5 each...a total steal imo, i have the hardest time finding shirts that are long enough and these will fit them for a very long time, and it doesn't hurt that they're made well either!

my belly gets bigger everyday it seems, which is of course always a good sign...i've still not really felt the baby move, at least not that i've id'd as the baby...but they are a fast mover, last week at my mw appt when she did the doppler to check the heart rate for the baby, they kept moving like a little bullet out of the way so she kept having to hunt for it...we all got a laugh out of that LOL

i have an u/s appt this friday at 10 am to check the baby out and hopefully see if we're packin' a double x or if we've got a y going on in there this time around...i'm really hopin' for that y, but healthy is always what is most important!

i took myself off of my prevacid, the side effects of being on it were causing a situation where i wasn't really absorbing any of the nutrients from the food i was eating...i started slow, back down from twice a day to once a day for about 1/2 a wk...that went well so i decided to see if i could handle being off of it completely...no need to stay on meds if you don't really need to kwim?...well, all has been well since then (which i'm more than sure my lowered stress level has a huge amount to do with)...i am starting to have more energy as food is staying in my system longer now so that i can actually absorb the nutrients

i've not gained very much weight at all, BUT more important...i didn't loose this time like i did w/ #1 (20 lbs before i started to gain) and #2 (15 lbs before i started to gain) so while i was def sick this time around it wasn't as extreme, just the fatigue this time was the killer...i'm still dealing w/ fatigue, but it's sooooooo much better than it was before!!!

i must admit that i whole heartedly doubt my ability to parent 3 kids, the 2 i have are such a challenge at times that i don't think i can deal w/ them, let alone add another into the mix
although, i saw something the other day that basically said it all...ppl ask me often how i do the "single parent" thing as much as i have to since hubby is gone for work so much and the following statement i think answers it nicely..."i don't think about it, i just do it"...it's not until i think about it from another's pov that i really think "oh, yeah, this really isn't an easy gig"...which i know it's not easy, but when you're in the middle of it, you just don't have time to think about that at all

totally ot, but the other day i was thinking about going home to visit my parents and i had the brief thought that while i was there i'd drop in and see one of my fav teachers turned friend...then i remember, she's been dead for several months now...it made me sad for her hubby because i know he must be so lonely...but she was ready to go, she was at peace with the fact that her life was ending...she'd battled breast cancer enough times that she was ready to let it win the last fight and leave her pain ravaged body behind...very few of you were blessed to know this woman, but she was an amazing person, teacher, friend...all around just amazing and i have been so blessed to have her in my life and have her influence in important places as it was...i only hope that my kids can have someone like this in their lives too...it's of course important to have ppl like this in our family, but ever so important to have them outside our family as well

well, the street of sesame is over...that means my time here is now cut off

universal health care

just a quick rant
i do NOT see our gov't being able to manage something as financially HUGE as uhc...seriously...they've mismanaged social security, they spend way too much money on their salaries and on toilet seats (etc)...we are NOT a socialistic gov't and i'd like to keep it that way


we'd be far better served as a nation if instead they'd put into play legislation that regulated cost of health care, cost of health insurance, and the frivolities added on to medical malpractice law suits (and of course how much money the lawyer can make off of it) ...now don't get me wrong, we do need medical malpractice law suits, but imo they should be for life time medical care of the condition caused and lost wages if any...but loss of life experience, pain and suffering gmab!!! those are stupid and ridiculous...life is pain and suffering and depending what we do w/ it we loose out on certain experiences by our choices and those of the ppl around us...it's stupid!

ok, off my soap box

i'm so ready...

to feel this baby move, while we had an awesome strong hb at the 12 wk appt i'd feel so much better if i could feel the little one beeboppin' around in there already...that would help alleviate some of my stress
of course hubby's all...just don't stress...soooo easy for him to say LOL stinker!
i'm currently 15 wks, another 5 and we'll probably be able to find out what we're having
it really fascinates me at times how the body morphs, i was looking at my belly last night in profile and it's just crazy how big i am already...i know w/ each pregnancy the body just does it faster, but i'd swear if i'd not already had an u/s showing just one baby i'd think there was more LOL

YAY it's over!!!

the show i've been directing closed on the 11th...it was fun, but i'm so glad it is over, 12 wks+ is just a really long time to try and eek energy out of myself when i didn't have it to spare.
it went really well and our closing night was pretty dang good imo
the cast was great, the show was well written, the director...meh, she was a beginner ;-)

SWEET

an old friend found me and via him i've been able to QUICKLY track down a large batch of my old youth group friends that i've not seen in eons...how freaking cool is that?!!!
these ppl seriously have such a warm fuzzy spot in my heart because they're the ppl that got me through h.s. (which was misery essentially the whole time socially) they loved and accepted me for who i was when very few ppl i went to school with did
besides that...they're all stinking cool and super fun...oh the things we did...lake parties, crazy dates, etc and sober and clean all the while doing it...fond doesn't even come close to describing the memories!!!

paranoia

those that know me, know that we lost our first baby...hence i am a very paranoid pregnant chick
so i'm almost 11 wks now and am still getting bigger, my energy level is still zapped, and my nausea is getting to a point of control and hopefully will be over soon
BUT i m/c at 13 wks (should've been at 7 wks, but it took my body 5 wks to figure out that the baby had died...it's called a missed miscarriage) so i just don't feel comfy until i'm past that point and feeling the baby move
granted w/ #1 i didn't stop being paranoid until she was in my arms, w/ #2 i wasn't quite as paranoid, but i still was...kwim?
i seriously am ready to feel this baby move, if i were to loose another baby i really don't think i could deal w/ that...and i definitely don't want to find out if i could...kwim?

soap box moment

i can't stand it when ppl "consider" your feelings or personal health, but really don't and try to guilt you into doing something that they want you to do
just this past week the owner of the theater, who knows i am struggling with energy and nausea asked, but was so freakin' pushy about me coming to the theater galla and doing a song from the previous show that i was in
i gave her the excuse orginally that we couldn't afford a sitter, so then she said she'd pay and for me to think about
well, i thought about it and i just don't have the excess energy to do anything beyond what i'm already doing (most of it poorly) so i told her i wouldn't be able to do the song or attend
i just think it's so lame, she knows i'm struggling and wants to add more onto my plate
ok, vent done

i am so freaking TIRED

this kid is going to be the end of me i just know it...

i'm barely functioning...just call me zombie,

it's probably a much better description than human

i'm being a horrible mommy,

i can barely drag myself out of bed in the morning,

and even then, late morning

oh how i hope this passes soon!!!

hopefully 5 or less more wks and i'll be out of it

so it's been awhile...

but what do you see over on the right?

oil leak, check, carseats, check, tune up, check

so for those of you that remember my car got crunched a few weeks back...hallalujia they did NOT total my car

even better they sent us the check for the repair so we could decide what to do with itso instead of getting the body work done (because it doesn't really look THAT bad) we got the oil leak worked on again (didn't completely solve the problem but helped a TON)

since the carseats were in the car the insurance co was required to replace them, instead of replacing them w/ the same seats, since i was going to be upgrading the seats soon, i just got what i wanted and paid the difference, so instead of almost $400 for carseats i only had to pay $117!!! (which also came out of the body repair check) and tomorrow the car goes in for a tune up, get the broken light fixed from the accident, have safety and emissions done so we can get the tags renewed, we were able to pay for #2's cast, AND get caught up on rent!!!

so hubby was right, it WAS a blessing in disguise!!!

mia again

so i'm in this fertility study, can't remember if i've talked about it here or not

http://www.eagertrial.org/about_study.php

and OF COURSE hubby has to leave for work when i rank a 3 on the fertility monitor

so if i DO get preggie this month it will probably be a girl, which is fine, because despite the fact

that I want a boy (actually a set of twin boys) my main priority is that i have a healthy baby

so if i can get preg w/ a healthy baby this month i will be on cloud 9!

which takes acting out of the mix for me all of next year, BUT not directing...i'm leaning

twds taking a show that auditions in november and opens in jan...i want to read it before i

commit to it though to see if i feel like it's up my ally or not

oh, i'm also so freaking tempted to go and buy up a bunch of $ store preggie test

and start taking them next monday, actually i'd love to take it now, but i know it wouldn't

show up yet LOL

if i don't get preggie this month i'll actually be disappointed because this is the first

time that we've actually been activly trying w/ timing and all that good stuff...oh how a

fertility monitor provided via the study helps with that!!!

although if i don't get preg i'm calling SkyWest on the fact that they have it out

for me getting preggers

LOL!!!

PLEASE DO NOT TOTAL MY CAR

so last week we were out and about, hubby had to take #1 to the car for a time out because her behavior was rediculous

well, while they were sitting in a parked, turned off car for time out the guy parked to the drivers side of them pulled out and took out the front panel of the drivers side of the car!!!

he stopped as once he started to drag our car because it was kinda locked w/ his (tires wells) he realized what he was doing (he was in a new dodge ram i think hubby said) swapped insurance info and such...did estimate for work yesterday for his insurance co to fix the car

HOLY FREAKING COW!!!

the estimate to fix the car is $1355.50 the car at kbb.com good condition is worth just over $1500...oh how i hope they are not going to total our car, we can not afford to buy another car, the car is perfectly drivable...oh, and they'll replace our carseats, which i'm still trying to decide if i want to do or not because i was going to be getting new seats w/in the next 6 months, but nicer more expensive seats, so this would go twd that, but i don't think i can afford the balance of the new carseats...oh this is such a pitb!!!

So I've been MIA as of late

So the business finally opened on the 1st of October and we've had 1 sale so far...and hey, 1 is better than nothing right, even if it did come from my sister LOL

http://www.kingscrossgreetingcards.com/ is the link if you want to check it out

It's kinda crazy having 20,000 cards and 21,000 envelopes just laying about the house...if we sold them all, especially at individual prices instead of box set prices, we'd be able to pay off our loan much faster than not...of course we won't do that because we have to replace stock, increase designs, eventually we might get a cut

after i have to admit that a "company car" with our logo on it would be a nice thing to have

i expect big things to happen, but i also know that big things take time

busy busy busy

so it's been busy around here

got the funding for the business

www.KingsCrossGreetingCards.com/Blog

if you want to keep up with that

finally broke down and got the kids a swing set yesterday

got a sunburn on my neck and part of my leg putting it together to have the glider have a bold snap/sheer so i couldn't put it on the set, so the girls are all stoked about it, thankfully they don't realize a piece of it is missing

i got a part in the halloween play

not the part i originally wanted, but still a good/fun part

it was the logical choice for the director to go the way she did

i'm considering asking her if i could direct or co-direct a show for her next year

i think that would be fun

#1 started pre-school about 3 wks ago and she LOVES it

hubby just got his raise so while we're still not recovered from the summer slump

but hopefully it won't take too long, i'm hoping after his 2nd paycheck this month we'll be fine

granted i need to call both of his loan handler companies and find out what the payments will

be going up to at the end of october/begining of november so that i can set up the budget modifications that need to happen

lots of exciting things have been going on and lots of craziness

including consideration of another dog to give the one we're dog sitting someone to play with

yes i am insane, a new dog and pt'ing my 2 yr old...

oh, and i have i told you all that not only are we going to be going for #3, but that i actually want twins so i can have my 4 and be done...the idea of being pregnant 2 more times is not high on my list of things i want to do, i could give birth until the cows come home, but that 9 months leading up to it and i are just not friends LOL

ahhh the smell of CRAZY!!!

so we've been working on the business (check the blog out here www.KingsCrossGreetingCards.com/Blog) and we're coming down to the wire...trying to figure out our internet marketing plan, but the money will be in hand soon and we've got to get the final wrinkles removed for the contract w/ our artist, get them all signed, select the cards we want, pay for them, get them printed...of course get the website finished...

AND

maintain a fairly "normal" family life

well

normal for us LOL

"blast" from the past

the other day, i found my current and pretty much rarely used journal

i thought it would be fun to see what was going on at the begining of said journal

so read i did and i realized something...

i used to be WAY deeper of a person than i am now LOL

granted now i'm lucky if i have time to think about anything, but i'm definately nowhere as deep

as i once was

i was somewhat blind at the time too though...i was so "in love" w/ the last guy i dated in college...i look back that whole time in my life, and while i'm greatful for what i learned (because if we don't learn something from our experiences what was the point of going through it right?) man i was stupid and i wish i'd not allowed myself to dwell on it as i did...deep down i knew it then as i do now...i would NOT have been happy married to that guy, at least not as happy as i deserve to be and most definately now am...dang i'm one lucky chick...i got an awesome, devoted husband who also happens to be an amazing father...the other guy...let's just say i would've had another kid to take care of among other verious other quirks...i totally wish this guy happiness, which he won't gain until he grows up and becomes quite abit less selfish...i had to giggle when i was reading and said what my dad said about it at the time...he totally thought the guy was a total chicken and of course not worthy of his daughter LOL my mom wanted me to move on, which was hard to do...especially when i'd brought myself to the realization that he wasn't going to marry me, but i was so close to leaving what was the point of even trying to date anyone else...why not just date him until i left...he of course changed that, although we still did things together on occasion and when i'd come back to the state we'd get together and visit...we were really good friends until i got engaged and then

BAM

he dropped off the face of the planet

funny how that works sometimes...i had another friend that did the exact same thing, but in hindsight i kinda think he was in love w/ me...but how the heck was i supposed to know that...he gave me NO indicators of such, at least not that i picked up on...granted i'm kinda dense when it comes to that kind of stuff so he very well may have been LOL

i remember at various points prior to meeting, falling madly in love with, and marrying the amazing man that i'm married to now that i've had several guys in my life that i could've married, but i would've had varying degrees of happiness w/ each...would've been good marriages and loving and such, but each definately would've been different and none could compare (at least not imo) to what i've got now!

sure my hubby is a stinker on occasion, but those are so far and few inbtwn that they can be passed over as naught, because we all know that i'm so not an angle...not an easy person to live with i'd readily admit, but i'm much better than i used to be ;)

bang head here

if you have children you know exactly how i'm feeling right now...

neither of my kids went to bed when they were supposed to lastnight, needless to say not

getting the amount of sleep that they need so today

BEAST

that is what they both are and it's driving me nuts!

just thought you'd like to know

"I know a chicken..."

if you have kids you know EXACTLY that i'm refering to LOL

and to top it off, it's been going through my head almost all day along w/ shakin' down the sugar by laurie berkner' songs

if's funny how the things we play for our kids totally get stuck in our minds and WE START TO LIKE THEM

here i was working on somethings at the computer while #1 danced to the music and i totally found myself jammin' right along!

let's analyze this for a moment

it's got a catchy beat

most songs are quite jazzy

the lyrics are clean, easy, and fun

so what's not to like?!!!

ok, so i will now confess i'm off to listen to some more, yes my children are asleep and have been so for several hours, but i obviously need a fix LOL